Alan Krueger, Meet the Iron Law

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alan_B._Krueger

Dear Mr. Alan B. Krueger,

As you step into your new post as Chairman of the White House Council of Economic Advisors, I offer you my hearty congratulations. I think it is a little strange that you appear to be the most insanely handsome economist ever, but that doesn’t disqualify you in my book. Even if it did, I would be reassured by the more normal bug-eyed economist image on your Wikipedia page; I assume that the truth of your appearance is somewhere in between.

That is not why I am writing, however. I am writing to tell you a story. Once upon a time there was a young Chairman of the White House Council of Economic Advisors. He was a good economist–he could draw supply and demand charts all day long, he could smoothly explain current account deficits or how Pissarides was totally carried by Diamond and Mortenson in their Nobel-prize winning analysis of markets with search frictions because his whole model of price creation in markets with high friction was a ripoff of Harsanyi’s work on equilibria in non-competitive games. So, here he is, a personable guy. Handsome guy, too–not Alan B. Krueger handsome, but handsome. You know where he used to sit? Your chair. Yep, I’m talking about Austan Goolsbee, who even as we speak is buying snowshovels and woolen scarves and a survival knife with a compass in the handle and preparing to eke out some last, bitter years at the University of Chicago.

Unless you want to share his fate, you need to fix the economy. And it’s fuckin easy. Check it out. Behold the annual returns on a $10 trillion investment in 2007, rolled over year after year:
2007: +59%, $15.9 trillion
2008: +19%, $18.92 trillion
2009: +16%, $21.95 trillion
2010: +11%, $24.36 trillion

Yep, that’s a 144% ROI over four years. If Austan had taken my advice last year he’s have had $1.1 trillion extra dollars to plug in someplace, and would still be living in a penthouse overlooking the Potomac instead of hunkered down under a snowdrift. Here’s how you do it: Set aside $10 trillion; put $1 trillion down on any Pac 12 team led by a senior quarterback. That’s it. If you lose, you pay $1.1 trillion. If you win, you get $1 trillion.

Here are your guys this year:
Nick Foles, Arizona.
Tyler Hansen, Colorado.
Andrew Luck, Stanford.

I have half a mind not to include “Tyler Hansen” because I don’t know who he is, but it appears he’s started a dozen or so games in 2009 and 2010, so fine. Anyway, sometime in January, you’ll be walking into the Oval Office with heftybags full of million dollar bills.

Sincerely,

Adam

Starting with $10 trillion
Week 1:
Stanford covers against San Jose State: W
Arizona covers against N. Arizona: W
Colorado doesn’t cover against Hawaii: L
Rolling total: $10.9 trillion.
Week 2:
Stanford covers against Duke: W
Arizona doesn’t cover against Okla St: L
Colorado covers against Cal: W
Rolling total: $11.8 trillion
Week 3:
Stanford (Luck) vs Arizona (Foles): No wager
Colorado covers against Colo St: W
Rolling total: $12.8 trillion
Week 4:
Stanford bye.
Colorado doesn’t cover 16.5 against tOSU: L
Arizona doesn’t cover 14 against UO: L
Rolling total: $10.6 trillion
Week 5:
Stanford covers against UCLA: W
Colorado doesn’t cover -3 against WSU: L
Arizona covers 12.5 against USC: W
Rolling total: $11.5 trillion
Week 6:
Stanford against Colorado: (no bet)
Arizona doesn’t cover against OSU: L
Rolling total: $10.4 trillion
Week 7:
Stanford covers against WSU: W
Colorado doesn’t cover 17 against UW: L
Arizona bye.
Rolling total: $10.3 trillion
Week 8:
Stanford covers against UW: W
Colorado doesn’t cover 30.5 against UO: L
Arizona covers against UCLA: W
Rolling total: $11.2 trillion
Week 9:
Stanford covers against USC: W
Colorado doesn’t cover 32 against ASU: L
Arizona doesn’t cover against UW: L
Rolling total: $10 trillion
Week 10:
Stanford covers against OSU: W
Colorado doesn’t cover 20 against USC: L
Arizona doesn’t cover against Utah: L
Rolling total: $8.8 trillion
Week 11:
Stanford fails to cover against UO.
Colorado against Arizona: No bet.
Rolling total: $7.7 trillion
Week 12:
Stanford vs Cal: L -17
Colorado vs UCLA: L +11
Arizona vs ASU: W +10
Rolling total: $6.5 trillion
Week 13:
Stanford vs ND: W -7
Colorado vs Utah: W +22.5
Arizona vs ULLAF: L -13.5
Rolling total: $7.4 trillion
Bowls
Stanford vs OKST: W +4.5
Rolling total: $8.4 trillion

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